If you are planning to marry a narcissist, here is a list of things to expect in your relationship.
Realize that you will be marrying a person who is incapable of having a healthy, intimate, interpersonal relationship because narcissism is a disorder. Your marriage will be the most important relationship in your life; be wise in who you select to commit to. If you marry a narcissist you will be uniting with a person who does not have empathy. Empathy is necessary for sensitivity to others’ feelings and compassion.
While you may not be physically hit or physically abused in this relationship, your heart will be broken 10,000 times. Even if you think you are a “strong” person and can handle it; your strength is not really strength, but rather, denial. The following list is not exhaustive, but it is informative:
He will always define the terms.
You will live by a set of double standards.
You will not be listened to.
He will never resolve a conflict.
He will rarely consider your feelings; and will only do so if it serves him some how.
He will never apologize.
What will matter most to him is how he appears to others.
He will ruin all of your birthdays and holidays (probably because somehow he needs to make everything about him.)
There will be little to no mutuality, collaboration or cooperation.
Your expectations will be managed down to mere crumbs; to the point where you will be happy just because he isn’t giving you the silent treatment, yelling at you, or cheating on you.
You will never win.
Your value will be diminished to the point of nothingness in his eyes. In fact, mere strangers will hold more weight in his eyes than you will.
He will tend to make you his scapegoat.
He will dump his shame and rage on to you.
Simple conversations will become crazy-making endeavors.
You will find yourself walking on eggshells.
You will lose yourself because you will be trained to focus only on his feelings and reactions; never mind yours.
You will experience the silent treatment.
You will experience cognitive dissonance, confabulation, and gas lighting.
You will find yourself telling a grown adult how to have normal interactions with others.
Your relationship will revolve on a cycle: waiting – hoping – hurting – being angry – forgiving – forgetting – again.
He will blame you for all of the problems in the relationship.
You will blame yourself.