“My husband didn’t need to raise his voice or hit me, as his method of violence was the words that could cut through me sharper than a knife ever could, destroying any sense of self-confidence I previously had.” ~ Megan Holgate, Life & Divorce Coach
“Can a narcissist fall in love?”
The question of whether or not a narcissist can fall in love is a fierce matter of debate. So before we delve too much into why they can’t stay in love, let’s address the above question.
The answer, per most experts, is an unequivocal “Yes.” Here’s what Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., a psychotherapist who specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of various personality disorders, says:
“If you (exes of narcissists) thought that your romantic Narcissistic ex really loved you and wanted to marry you, you are not crazy. Even though he is now gone, your guy actually meant what he said when he said it to you. He was in love with you, or at least his own romantic fantasy of the two of you as the perfect couple.”
The problem is, of course, that it’s impossible for the “perfect couple” fantasy to materialize. Life isn’t a fantasy; relationships aren’t a fantasy, and narcissists can’t seem to grasp this elementary concept.
So, yes, a narcissist can fall in love – but why can’t they remain in love?
HERE ARE FIVE REASONS:
1. IDEALISM ISN’T REALISM
The Fantasyland desires of a narcissist are not based on realism. The same can be said of any outlandish notion that lacks the means of transforming the idea into reality.
One may dream of a pristine mansion on the coast of the most beautiful beach; but unless you’re a multi-millionaire, it’s not going to happen. We innately know and accept such things – narcissists do not.
It should be noted that idealization of relationships isn’t the only “head in the clouds” feature playing in a narcissist’s head. They picture the perfect home, body, car, occupation, and so on.