6 Best Ways to Get Rid of a Narcissist
Technically, there are hundreds of ways, but I’ll give you the six most common ones I’ve seen work in the real world.
1 – Block the Narcissist from being able to call
This may seem obvious, but I’ve seen it thousands of times on recovery forums and the comment sections on various blogs. People are frustrated because the narcissist texted them or left a voicemail, and won’t leave them alone when they’ve made it clear to the narcissist they want to end things.
This approach leaves all the power in the narcissist’s hands.
If the narcissist can contact you, you haven’t gone No Contact. No Contact involves more than simply not calling them or not responding to their texts and voicemails. That’s No Response and as long as the narcissist has a way to get in touch with you at will, it will be impossible to move on. You cannot take a passive stand when it comes to getting rid of the narcissist.
If you haven’t blocked the narcissist’s phone number, then it’s an indicator, conscious or unconscious, that you aren’t yet serious about ending the relationship. Maybe you secretly hold out hope they’ll finally change or, at the very least, let you know how sorry they are. Sadly, neither of those outcomes will ever happen – even if they do apologize, it’s all a smokescreen…as you’ll discover should you make the choice to remain No Response.
2 – Change your cell phone number if necessary
Maybe you have blocked the narcissist, but now they’ve resorted to calling you from different, blocked, or unknown numbers. In this case, you’re going to need to up the ante.
It won’t be convenient and it probably feels like the equivalent of having to go to a 15-panel job interview, but if the narcissist has started calling you from different numbers, you’ll need to change your cell phone number – even if you share kids and even if you use your number for work.
If you share custody of your children with your Ex, not sharing your cell phone number with them is part of the Extreme Modified Contact approach. Allow them access to your landline, instead. If you don’t have one, order one and then change your cell phone number.
In the case of using your number for work, it’s really not as hard as you might think. In fact, I just changed mine last week, even though I use my number for work.
This step is critical because it’s easy to mistake the narcissist’s attempts to contact you as meaning they miss you when in reality, they only want your energy. This energy may be positive or negative, doesn’t matter. To the narcissist, they’re equally fulfilling. In fact, they often enjoy negative energy more. This is what is meant by emotional vampirism. You can stop leaking your energy to them- which drains you and makes them feel energized – by blocking them completely.
You can stop leaking your energy to them- which drains you and makes them feel energized – by blocking them completely.
3 – Don’t engage if they stop by your place
If you really want to make a point and show the narcissist that you’ve taken your power back, then the only approach to achieve this is to not engage if they show up – especially if they stop by your place unannounced.
A normal person would realize that if they’ve been blocked from contacting you, then you are serious about moving forward without them…and they would accept it and move forward, too.
Not narcissists. Like a jungle cat chasing down a young antelope, they often do not give up at the mere blocking of cell phone access. Do not mistake their showing up as their having had an epiphany and realizing the depth of pain they’ve caused – even if they’re holding flowers or begging. In fact, if they try to engage with you, their intention is to cause more damage and trauma because they intuitively understand that this is how they can keep you hooked.
- Avoid trying to explain and defend. This will only lead to a hamster-wheel conversation that leads to nowhere – except emotional collapse on your part.
- Mark any packages or flowers that are delivered as “Refused” or “Return to Sender”
- Don’t mistake packages or flowers as a token of regret or of missing you. That’s exactly what the narcissist counts on. In other words, tears = acting and flowers = prop. Trust me on this.
- Keep in mind that a restraining order may be necessary.