8 Signs You’re Attracted To Narcissists
“It’s hard, as a mental health professional, not to spot potential mental health issues with certain posts on Instagram,” he admits. Red alert no.1 are outfit shots accompanied by a caption asking, ‘What do you all think?’ “This shows validation-seeking behavior,” he continues.
“Many clients come to me saying that they suspect the person they are interested in is very insecure. As we go through their social media and find multiple posts of this nature, one can easily extrapolate that they are either insecure and/or validation junkies.
There’s nothing wrong with showing off a new outfit, but I caution folks on what they actually write about it. It’s better to see, ‘I am really feeling this outfit’ which is a validation-free zone.”
Your Mother Tongue Is Flattery
You could have Jamie Oliver’s entire back catalog, but it’s food of the ego-nourishing variety – “an endless supply of good quality narcissistic feedback,” says Toby – that makes a narcissist feel satiated.
Narcissists need more and more attention, often through flattery, to fuel their self-interest.
He compares your relationship role to that of the magic mirror in Sleeping Beauty, constantly telling the wicked Queen how beautiful she is.
“Narcissists need more and more attention, often through flattery, to fuel their self-interest. You will be expected to listen and remain interested in their stories – that’s the way their relationships work.”
This need for attention doesn’t just come from a craving for compliments though. “It can equally be expressed as moods that quickly become anxious and perhaps paranoid, as the narcissist shows their fragile personality and high need for attention,” he adds.
Some examples: in Fatal Attraction, Michael Douglas has an affair with Glen Close who becomes obsessed with having his attention. In Gone Girl, the wife is a manipulative narcissist, while The Devil Wears Pradashows office drama driven by a powerful, narcissistic boss.
You Hear From Them Again, Post-Split
A technique that mental health counsellor Dr Stephanie Sarkis calls ‘hoovering’.
Their best remedy? To suck you back in again
After a break-up, when the narcissist no longer has your undivided attention on speed-dial, they start to feel abandoned and helpless.
Their best remedy? To suck you back in again – hence the vacuum analogy. Expect their reappearance to be accompanied by them laying it on thick: admitting that they made a mistake, that they’re sorry, sending you sad selfies, and assuring you that they won’t behave that way again.
Fall for it and, like the spider approaching your Dyson nozzle, you’ll soon be down a one-way tunnel.
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