Here are a few signs that hoovering is taking place:
They often get in touch for seemingly pointless and meaningless reasons or during an occasion such as a birthday or anniversary when they know we will be temporarily weakened and more likely to reply to their “innocent” out-of-the-blue contact. They may also text to ask a simple question about something that is irrelevant, especially considering all that has passed under the bridge prior to this contact.
It is possible that they may even use a feigned emergency to capture attention purely to reignite an dying out fire.
It is also common for the person hoovering to contact friends, family members or our work colleagues to find out information as a way to sneakily find out personal information. This helps them to work out the most clandestine tactic to sweep us off our feet and make it look as though the serendipitous meeting was “chance” or “fated.”
They might also make contact to return belongings even though the items that are returned have little significance and haven’t been asked for, or if they were requested at the time of break-up the pleas were ignored. Strangely, the hooverer wants to return the items with urgency and could insist on hand delivering them to ensure they arrive safely.
Hooverers may send elaborate gifts or endeavor to charm us with a sentimental offering to make it look as though they have put a lot of thought, time and attention into it.
Suddenly, it appears as though the person hoovering has miraculously changed. They want to wipe everything from the past clean so they can begin afresh and with no need to apologize, show remorse or take accountability for their previous actions. If they do show these things they are most probably insincere and fabricated as the hooverer goes to all lengths to disguise their true intentions as they will not want their ego dented if their hoovering strategy fails.
The reason that hoovering works so well is quite often it happens when someone from the past returns to declare all the things we have been hoping to hear and mostly the words that make us feel validated. When they left we may have been left in pain and their turn-around fills our aching voids and makes us believe that we were not the ones at fault for their departure.
When we are being hoovered we can be spun into a dizzying whirlwind as all the initial feelings of what we hoped was “love” flushes through our veins. Hooverers are very aware of this and will use various romantic or even sexual words and actions to cloud and distort our thoughts.
They somehow manage to convince us that we are the most important person in their world and tell us how foolish they were for leaving us. All of a sudden their presence makes all of the loneliness and heartache disappear. They soothe and balm our wounds and we momentarily feel on top of the world once again.