How to Know if Someone is Hoovering You.
As the “loved up” chemicals flush through our brains we become intoxicated, everything appears hazy and we are not able to process it all so we are unable to think straight and see through their dramatic displays.
At first it can be difficult to know whether their actions are genuine or whether we are being used as a substitute to boost their worn down ego.
It usually doesn’t take long to see through the façade.
If we pay attention to our intuition and trust our instinct, we will know instantly whether their cunning plot is to benefit and enhance their self-worth and esteem or if it genuinely is to make amends due to a spectacular transformation in character.
The easiest way to work out sincere from insincere behaviour is to focus on ourselves rather than the other person. How are we feeling inside? It is essential that we are truthful when we answer.
Have we been secretly hoping for a rendezvous that will prove we meant something to them or did their departure leave us feeling rejected when we were quickly replaced by someone new?
Do we feel resentful towards the partner they exchanged us for and by getting back in touch with them does it now make us feel as though we are evening out the score?
When we are willing to face up to the reasons that their random return spikes our delight, we are able to look at why we are allowing someone to pick us up, drop us and then return when they are feeling bored with their current life to trigger old feelings and repeat the pattern.
It is also likely that they have had an argument with someone in their current life and are angry, frustrated or feeling spiteful so they turn to us for a distraction to spite the person or to take their mind away from it and most of all to replenish their depleted energy reserves.
Whatever the reasons, they matter not.
What is important is what is going on with us that we feel we deserve to be treated this way.
If we allow ourselves to get hoovered and sucked back in once, then we can let that go.
However, if it is happening time and again and the same circumstances are repeating with nothing changing, we have to take a long hard look at ourselves. Why are we not taking care of ourselves first and foremost? We need to immediately stop someone from having a hold over us by exerting their charm, power and control.
Although we may feel at the time it is harmless or that we are handling it well and we know what we are doing, this behaviour is not acceptable and it can seriously harm our self-worth. Plus, all we are doing is enhancing someone else and allowing them to manipulate and pull us down again.
The only option is zero contact. Nil. Nothing. Not a return text message, phone call and definitely no arranging to meet up.
If it is an absolute genuine emergency, we will know.
Otherwise, before we know it we will be sucked straight back in. Back to the start, allowing them the optimum opportunity to tread all over us once more while they ensure their egocentric needs are met on their wretched selfish agenda.
Very soon we will once again be discarded when their energy levels are recharged, their confidence boosted and their life is back in order.
And if they have astonishingly changed, again, we will know about it. There will be no need for trickery as they will be genuine, remorseful, decent, considerate and they will have good morals and be true to their word.
Sadly, people with a personality disorder think of themselves.
When interacting with them, it is essential we do the same.
We can show compassion, forgiveness and love. But first, we must show these things to ourselves.
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