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Sex and the Narcissist

The Cerebral Narcissist

There is another very different type of narcissist. The cerebral narcissist feels that sex is demeaning and degrading. He feels that acting on one’s sex drive is a primitive and common impulse. The cerebral narcissist tells himself that he is above all that, endowed as he is with superior intellect and superior self-control. The cerebral narcissist does not enjoy sex and prefers m**********n or emotionless sex (such as going to prostitutes).

Surprisingly, he also has bouts of sexual hyperactivity in which he frequently changes sexual partners and regards them simply as objects. However, the hyper-sexuality appears mainly after significant narcissistic crises. A painful divorce or financial turmoil, and the cerebral narcissist quickly concludes that the “old solutions” (intellectual) no longer work.

Sex is convenient and a fantastic source of narcissistic supply: it is immediate, partners are interchangeable, it is comprehensive (it includes all the aspects of the narcissist’s being), as well as being highly charged, adventurous, and pleasurable. After a life crisis, the cerebral narcissist is likely to be highly involved in sexual activities – excessively and almost to the exclusion of everything else.

As the memories of the crisis fades, he abruptly loses interest in sex and in all his partners. The frequency of his sexual activities declines from several times a day to a few times a year. He reverts to intellectual pursuits, sports, politics, voluntary activities – anything but sex. Sex becomes an obligation, a maintenance chore reluctantly undertaken only to preserve his sources of supply (like family or household).

The cerebral narcissist then minimizes all types of intercourse with his close circle (spouse, children, parents, siblings, and friends) whether it is sexual, verbal, or emotional. He limits himself to the minimum of exchanges and isolates himself socially. Eventually, he really is left alone by everyone, with no secondary sources of supply.

He begins a quest to find new sources and he again embarks on ego-mending bouts of sex, ending with the selection of a mate. Then the cycle starts all over again: a sharp decline in sexual activity, then emotional detachment leading to abandonment.

Sex, for both types of narcissists, is a tool used simply to increase the number of sources of narcissistic supply. If it is their most effective tool in their toolbox, they make excessive use of it. If the narcissists cannot obtain adoration, admiration, approval, or attention by any other means (e.g., intellectually) –they resort to sex.

Sexual Abuse by Narcissists

Narcissists have a strong tendency to sexually abuse a partner. Their partners own sexual preferences will be ignored, banned or twisted. Here are some common abusive behaviors:

  • They will prohibit their partners from m**********g under the threat of punishment.
  • If their partner does m********e, they will ask to watch and say it is only so they can ‘learn to please” their partner.
  • They will insist that their mate watch p**n although the mate doesn’t usually do that.
  • Sexual gratification is only to reassure the narcissists that they are good lovers.
  • The narcissist pretends that sex is for the partner but is after her/his gratification only.
  • Their partner’s sexual past will be torn apart or thrown in their face during, or after, the relationship.
  • The narcissist revels in telling their partner all about their sexual past and that he or she will never measure up to their other lovers.
  • The narcissist may freeze their partner out of sex altogether while calling them a nymphomaniac.
  • The narcissist instigates sex (like telling erotic things and sending pictures or emails which are sexual) but then decides at the last minute that nothing is to take place or they have changed their minds.
  • The partner feels humiliated and yet the narcissist claims that (s)he has been humiliated.
  • The narcissist does not care if their mate gets hurt physically and/or emotionally and may even enjoy it when their mate gets hurt.
  • The narcissist instigates and turns everything into a sexual game.
  • The narcissist says their partners are having sexual relations with others, although it is the narcissist that has a strong tendency to flirt with others and to be unfaithful.
  • The narcissist makes fun of their partner’s sexuality or body in front of others.
  • The narcissist has to try out everything possible (positions, toys, etc).
  • The narcissist is an exhibitionist and will want sex in public and/or dress inappropriately (tight clothes without a bra or jock strap) and says it was an accident
  • The narcissist will send pictures of their p***s or breasts wanting to know how they rate. They will insist their partner send pictures for them to rate.

Sex And The Narcissist References:


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