It was when you took a step back that the big picture came into focus. You’d been living amongst the trees so long, you couldn’t see the forest. Now, you can.
You see the Big Picture and it’s unforgivable. And you see each isolated incident and realize they too were unforgivable. They weren’t blips, gas, stress or isolated incidents. They were the crux of narcissistic abuse.
But try communicating that to anyone who hasn’t lived it! I’d rather sit in my closet and apply thumbscrews. They’d be less painful. Unless your audience has lived narcissistic abuse, they simply won’t “get it.” They’ll rationalize each separate incident as “for your own good,” a miscommunication or an idiosyncrasy on the part of the narcissist.
But you and I know better.
Even as, yet again, shame for being a bad person who abandoned their sweet, loving, kind, generous family threatens to engulf us, we must stand fast. We must stand in our truth. Unwavering. Because we know what we know. We know what we’ve lived. We remember it verbatim. We see the big picture — even if our friends, spouses, children or even siblings think we’re nuts.
On those days when you feel, yet again, like you are the problem and are tempted to break No Contact to return to the bosom and love-bombing of your cult, uh, I mean family, here’s a simple trick that sounds silly but works a treat.
- Sit down.
- Hold very still.
- Wait until the feeling leaves you.
If you do nothing, you can’t make a mistake. Try it. It’s worked for me many times!
You’re not bizarre. You’re not immature. You’re not spoiled. You’re NOT the problem. Narcissistic abuse is made up of hundreds and thousands of isolated incidents that richly deserve a verdict of No Contact. Frankly, it’s a marvel we didn’t see the “forest” before and didn’t vamoose long ago. That goes to show how loving, caring, flexible, resilient and good we really are!
You are sane. You are strong. You are incredibly forgiving. Remember that when anyone implies otherwise. Stick to your guns and stay No Contact!