Why the Narcissist Seems to Hate You, But Won’t Let You Go
The Sad Truth About Narcissistic Hatred
The reason you’ve found yourself the target of narcissistic hatred is that they view love as a weakness and consequently, it repulses them.
But, at the same time, it allows them to extract copious amounts of narcissistic supply. This is why they seem to hate you but won’t let you go easily.
The narcissist views you as a feeble underling; one which provides them with wonderful supply. So, though they couldn’t care less about you as a person, they don’t want to give up the fringe benefits that go along with engaging in a relationship with you…albeit it a torturous one.
They won’t let you go because you are providing them with the things they need to survive as a narcissist. These things may consist of money, housekeeping, taking over the responsibility for their adult obligations, cleaning up their many messes, staying with them while they carry on affairs, and providing them a convenient receptacle for when they need to vent all their pent-up negative energies and rage onto someone.
Therefore, it does no good for you to show your vulnerability to the narcissist and, further, why they seem to dislike you even more when you show your very human emotions.
They want the benefits without all the damage control. They want you to just be quiet about it all and go back to the person you were before you discovered who they really are.
This is why, when you try to make them see how they’re hurting you, it is utterly pointless. In fact, it’s during these moments you see into the true core of the narcissist’s personality…and it’s chilling.
Nonetheless, in your mind, you love them and have bonded with them, and so you try to humanize them, believing they must think and feel the same way you do but just have a hard time showing it.
This is not the case.
They are nothing like you and no amount of unconditional love will change this fact. When we insist on believing the narcissist is like us, we are creating a story in our minds, writing the screenplay as we go along, thinking that with enough love and compassion, we will finally break through to the narcissist’s wounded self.
This will never happen and it’s important to accept this painful truth so you go about getting over a narcissist.
Narcissists love to blame other people for their nasty behaviors. In turn, you may respond by being more supportive, understanding, kind, or compromising in an effort to persuade the narcissist to halt their betrayals and cruelties.
Instead, what happens is, patterns of deception and denial are established. This may be to avoid the narcissistic hatred or keep the peace, proving to the narcissist you’re not the crazy psycho they say you are but, underneath the surface, it’s a budding system of enabling.
A system the narcissist fabricates from the very start.
The Truth About When Things Seem Normal
It’s vital to understand that when the narcissist is being nice, it’s an integrated part of the abuse. A reward, if you will, for sweeping their last attack under the rug and going back to your agreeable self. The one who will smile at them while they carry on with their normal deplorable behaviors as though everything is on the up and up.
Additionally, they understand that if they give you a glimpse of the person they pretended to be when you first met, you will do everything in your power to keep the golden illusion alive…the illusion that things can be like they were before.
All while yo continue to be the target of their narcissistic hatred. This is how trauma bonds become stronger over time.
If you go along with this mirage, you’ll be like the legendary solitary traveler who believes they’ve found water in the desert, only to find they’ve traveled deeper into the middle of nowhere with nothing around them to sustain life.
Copyright 2018 Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach, LLC
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