5 Ways Narcissists Project and Attack You
1. Calling you things that you are not
A classic example, “You’re cheating on me,” when you are not, but you can bet they’re cheating on you.
Or, “You’re selfish because you don’t want to do what I am asking you to do. You only think about yourself.” Meanwhile they are the ones who constantly make up excuses, break promises, are unreliable, think only about themselves, or compete with you. Not only that, they will forget all the things that you have already done for them.
In their eyes, they are entitled to your resources (time, money, energy), and you are aggressing against them when you won’t, can’t, or don’t give them what they want. They will not reciprocate unless there is some reason for them to. They will use various manipulation and abuse tactics like name calling, mocking, bullying, triangulation, minimizing, character defamation, berating feelings, trolling, obscuring the issue, deflecting, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, provoking, unreasonable criticism, nitpicking, or plain verbal abuse… all to make you feel bad and give into their demands.
If it’s not you, then there’s always someone else. “Look how horrible this other person is! And do you know what that person did?” Meaning, forget about me and my shortcomings; let’s find someone else with flaws and talk about them. That way, in their mind, we don’t have to think about my shortcomings, or we will come to a conclusion that I’m great by default because everyone else is so horrible.
2. Grandiosity, mimicking, and exaggeration
Narcissists think that they are super-ultra-turbo-mega special, that they deserve exceptional treatment, or that they are justified in hurting others. They have grandiose goals and exaggerate their achievements to appear more impressive and more superior.
Narcissists often feel a need to compete with others since they are factually not that special and terribly insecure on top of it. They will pretend, lie, hurt or exploit others, or do whatever else they deem necessary for personal gain.
As a result, they may take upon other people’s character traits and achievements. This originates from a place of envy and self-aggrandizement. Often to the degree of mimicking, plagiarizing, stealing, and being a fraud, all while defaming and belittling others. This is meant to destroy the credibility of their victims while appearing to be more competent themselves. This provides a handy distraction from what is really going on.
This is another weird form of projection where they see something they admire in someone (be it actually admirable or just a status symbol), and then instead of actually working on achieving it they simply claim they already have it or that they are entitled to it. Usually simply by saying it, with confidence and conviction. Consequently, as they claim the positive traits, achievements or characteristics of others, they discard their own negative features onto their victims. They may or may not be aware that it is happening, but it is happening nevertheless.
This whole process requires a lot of delusion, pretending, and deception. Sadly, many people fall for that and see the narcissist as this wonderful and amazing human being that they present themselves as, yet in actuality are lightyears from.
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