If you choose to stay with your narcissist…
I’m happy to hear there are people who can actually make things work with a narcissist. It requires a great deal of unconditional love and the ability to always put your own needs in a distant second place. I don’t recommend it for most people though.
ETA: I would recommend another requirement to making a relationship with a narcissist work: establish FIRM and VERY CLEAR boundaries, early in the relationship. Lidija clearly does this– I remember her saying in “I, Psychopath” when asked who made the rules she said she did. You would have to! Part of the maternal relationship requires the ability to provide discipline when it’s needed too. A narcissist who respects you because you established boundaries and can laugh with them and speak to them in their language won’t have a problem following your rules but may need to be reminded sometimes. 😉
Making love last with a narcissist: the rules
In summary, here are the cardinal rules for keeping your sanity intact while in a relationship or marriage to a narcissist:
1. Be a high empathy person with a strong maternal instinct.
2. Accept the fact they will probably never be cured.
3. Establish FIRM boundaries as early as possible and don’t be afraid to remind them of the rules when they balk or disobey. Remember you are dealing with an emotional toddler.
4. Be willing to always be in their shadow and not steal the show from them
5. Be able to LAUGH and not take what they do and say too personally. It’s not about you.
6. Do not have children with your narcissist. He/she is your child. (I used to joke that my MN ex husband was my “other child.” How true that was, and in some ways I wish I had known some of these rules back then, which might have made my life a little easier while still with him.)
The narcissist has to fulfill a requirement too. He or she must be insightful enough to recognize they are narcissists and mentally ill.
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