Not Many People Will Tell You The Truth Like This Lady
I can’t let National Eating Disorder Awareness Week pass without celebrating how far I’ve come. I post this not for me, but for you…yes, YOU. The one reading this right now worried that there is no hope beyond your own destructive, secretive, and hellish eating disorder.
There. Is. Hope.
Everything is going to be okay. I promise.
You are not alone.
You are beautiful and worthy…even WITH your struggles.
In the depths of my own eating disorder, I never thought in a million years I would be happy with who I was. “Weight, scales, body image, exercise, food, dieting, restricting, binging, purging, fear, failure,” were just a handful of awful words that would plague my mind daily for over a decade as I battled the strongest of opponents: MYSELF.
I fought these damn demons each and every day. Each day attempting to release myself from the hell I was living. Each day striving for a healthier life.
Day after day, month after month, year after year, I failed. Each failed attempt was proof that I’d always suffer, and that I would never live a “normal” life. Many time worrying my body could handle the stress I was giving it, and that maybe I wouldn’t make it to the next day.
The picture on the left is me at 17 in the place I mentioned above. This wasn’t even the worst of it…fast forward 6 years—I was married with a baby on the way and still didn’t have my crap together. Still hiding.
Becoming a mother, learning to be selfless, and opening my eyes to the power of VULNERABILITY were a few of the best things that ever happened to me. Without vulnerability + courage, healing cannot happen.
Two kids, one divorce, a new husband, and two more kids later, I am healthier than ever before. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. While it has been a slow journey, the fact that I’m eating 2400 calories a day to build muscle will never be anything short of a miracle to me…because the thought of increasing size absolutely terrified me before!
At 33 years old and 25 lbs. heavier than I’ve been the majority of my adult life, I feel sexier, stronger, more beautiful and confident than ever before. Yeah, I might have a little more cellulite and wear a couple of sizes larger, but I can lift heavy weights and carry someone on my back without feeling like I’m gonna’ break. 😉
I can’t see these pictures side-by-side without getting emotional…thanking GOD that I’m not suffering now like I did for so many years. Also thanking God for giving others hope through sharing my story.
For ANYONE out there struggling with the feeling of insanity the comes along with an eating disorder, please know there is hope. ❤️ Do not suffer alone…GET HELP. Asking for help is a sign of strength and courageousness, and is the first step to healing.
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