Why INFJs Attract Narcissists (And What To Do About It)
Know that there are genuine people out there who won’t take advantage of your empathy and will be grateful for your support. You don’t have to break your own boundaries to meet the excessive expectations of toxic people.
3. INFJs need harmony in their relationships to thrive.
Since INFJs tend to skirt conflict whenever possible, they may feel themselves walking on eggshells around a toxic partner. Any survivor of abuse, whether it’s emotional or physical, can be prone to doing this — because of the effects of trauma. However, INFJs may be even more prone to rationalizing, denying, and minimizing the behavior of their abusers in order to “keep the peace.”
Narcissists may gaslight the INFJ into thinking that any mistreatment is “all in their head,” when in fact their sensitivity is alerting them to unhealthy behavior or even danger. Abusive partners, family members, or friends may tell the victimized INFJ that they’re being “too sensitive.” It’s true that INFJs can be highly sensitive, but they’re also able to think critically and recognize when their boundaries have been crossed.
If the INFJ does speak up, they may find themselves wanting to apologize for their words. The problem is, when you apologize to a toxic person who hurts you continually, regardless of any long-winded discussions about their behavior, you ignore the inner voice that tells you that this relationship is not okay. You begin to realize that you’re not the sensitive one. They, in fact, are the insensitive ones — even though toxic people can have very sensitive egos and may rage when they don’t get what they want.
How INFJs Can Protect Themselves from Narcissists
How can you protect yourself from getting into a relationship with a narcissist? One way is to hold true to yourself and your expectations for a good relationship. Don’t expect that everyone who initially seems like the ideal friend or partner is in fact the ideal. As INFJs, one of our biggest challenges is learning to honor ourselves and our instincts above the appearance of the ideal — in order to achieve the real thing.
When it comes to romance, in many cases, compassionate love builds slowly. The sudden spark of chemistry does not necessarily represent the authenticity of a long-term romance. Before putting your heart “all in,” give the relationship time to develop. See what the other person is like in many different situations and around different people. For example, how do they treat the server at the restaurant? Their mother? Your friends? Look for red flags — and signs that you’re in the right relationship — early on.
How INFJs Can Free Themselves from Toxic People
If there’s a narcissist in your life, it may seem impossible to extricate yourself from the relationship. But there’s good news: INFJs can call upon their fiery spirits to counteract a toxic situation. INFJs are also driven to end injustice, so much that they may go to the extreme of cutting any person who exhibits toxic behavior out of their lives. INFJs can use their stubbornness to their advantage when cutting ties with narcissists, if they’re willing to confront conflict head-on. Only then can they get the healthy lives they truly deserve.
When it comes to toxic people, the problem isn’t the INFJ’s sensitivity or willingness to call out mistreatment. Rather, an INFJ’s sensitivity often allows them to “feel” on a deep intuitive level when someone is toxic, or even a malignant narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath.
Your sensitivity can act as an intuitive radar for toxicity. So while it’s good to take a step back and mindfully note your reaction to someone, remember that as an INFJ, you also have a deep connection to your intuition. And you may be able to pick up on toxic vibes quicker than many other personality types.
So what does this all mean? It means that as an INFJ, you can trust your inner voice, for it can be your greatest friend and source of salvation in unhealthy situations. As a healer, you don’t need to be a constant “fixer” in order to change the world. As a sensitive being, don’t dismiss your sensitivity as paranoia, when it’s actually one of your greatest intuitive tools. And as a highly empathic person, you can still be compassionate towards others from a distance.
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